


Gamers of the Galaxy

by HexMeridian (myrainbowshoelaces)



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Genre: AU, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrainbowshoelaces/pseuds/HexMeridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone loves to play a little tabletop, especially when you're trying to impress a pretty girl. Hardcore DM Lee invites his friends and roommates to play a homebrew D&D game where the players, acting as heroic Guardians of the Galaxy, must defend all sentient life from evil. But things don't quite go according to plan...</p>
<p>GOTG!AU where the plot of the movie is a tabletop RPG and the movie's main characters are the players. Inspired by a textpost made by tumblr user lyraeon and the suggestions of several other Tumblr users.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude: Hooked on a Feeling

“Okay, refresh my memory, why are we doing this again?” they descended the creaking staircase into the basement, which smelled of old gym socks and gratuitous applications of axe body spray. The old card table they had prepared for the game was set up next to the couch, a stack of gaming books piled up on the far end of it, and a detailed map of an unidentifiable star system lay in its center.

“Because Lee’s trying to impress this girl I went to high school with,” the taller of the two guys said, grabbing a couple of chairs and pulling them up to the opposite side of the table. “She’s really into tabletop gaming, makes really serious characters with deep and intricate backstories, stuff like that.”

“Lee’s so weird about girls,” the first boy said, getting comfortable on the couch. “Hell, you’re both weird about girls.”

The second rolled his eyes. “You’re just as weird about boys,” he said, picking the chair directly opposite the DM’s spot, a moth-eaten armchair with a blanket thrown over it. “Isn’t your boyfriend playing with us?”

“Yeah, but he’s not taking it nearly as seriously as I’d like.”

“Taking it seriously? You’re playing a talking raccoon!”

“Yeah, and next to a giant tree alien, a talking raccoon looks serious, so fuck you.” He sighed. “Is Lee really gonna make us refer to each other as our character names for the entire session?”

“That’s his style… Rocket,” the second guy smirked. “Plus, she’s into it, so I’m just trying to help a friend out.”

“Men are pigs,” the first guy, Rocket, pulled a sheet of paper out of his bag along with some pencils. “Including you… uh...” he paused, looking his friend over. “What’s your character again?”

“Human outlaw rebel,” he replied with an air of pride. “Peter Quill’s the name, traveling the galaxy being a dashing bandit’s the game.”

Rocket pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sometimes you are so heterosexual I could just die, ‘Peter’.”

“Whatever,” Peter said, setting up on his side of the table, peering at the map. “I had a modified template for a space scoundrel that fits perfectly in this wacky homebrew setting, and every team needs a leader!”

“Who says you’re the leader?” The voice from the stairwell made them both turn, and Rocket sat up, grinning.

“Hey babe,” he said, and the newcomer, even taller than Peter, crossed the old basement and pulled his boyfriend into a hug. “Sorry about the smell.”

“It’s Lee’s house,” he replied. “Of course it’s going to stink. Got my character?”

“Yep!” Rocket produced another piece of paper, looking proud. “I got everything all set up for you!”

He sat down next to Rocket and picked up the character sheet, squinting at it suspiciously. “What the hell kind of a name is 'Groot'?”

“I’m sorry, precious, I didn’t have time to do research on the naming conventions of TREES,” Rocket replied, elbowing his boyfriend in the side. “Just play the damn character.”

“And be in character,” Peter added. “He’s Rocket, I’m Peter, you’re Groot.”

“Seriously?” Groot rolled his eyes. “Lee is WAY too into all this roleplaying stuff. Why did I let you talk me into this again, ‘Rocket’?”

“Because you love me?” Rocket gave his boyfriend a cheesy smile.

“And don’t you forget it,” Groot leaned down and gave Rocket a kiss.

“Gross,” Peter muttered, pulling his bag of dice out of his pocket.

“Don’t be homophobic, ‘Peter’,” Rocket replied, settling into the couch. “Shit like that’ll get you kicked out of the game."

“I think that’s Lee’s call,” Peter said. “And it’s not because you’re two dudes, it’s because you’re right in front of me and the last time I checked we were supposed to be in character.”

“Who says a talking racoon and a sentient tree can’t make out?” This last question came from the top of the stairwell, and the three players looked up to see a short young man in glasses coming down towards them, carrying still more books and a large bottle of mountain dew. “Hey guys.”

“Hey Lee,” Peter said, holding up a hand for his friend to high five. “What’s shaking?”

Lee returned the high five and began setting up by the DM’s chair, sweating nervously. “My stomach,” he muttered. “You didn’t tell me she was THAT good-looking, man. I’m gonna make an ass of myself.”

“Hey, at least you making an ass of yourself is good entertainment for the rest of us,” Rocket said, smirking.

“Shut up,” Lee hissed, busying himself with books and notepaper. “She’s upstairs getting some water, she’ll be down here any minute.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Relax, man, she’s really cool, just have fun and be yourself and it’ll be fine.”

“Lee being himself is fine?” Groot snorted. “Last I heard that was the number one cause of women fleeing in his wake.”

“Hey,” Lee snapped. “Aren’t you supposed to be in character, ‘Groot’?”

“I am,” Groot said, non-plussed. “What about it?”

“I saw your character sheet,” Lee flipped open another notebook and began rummaging around a small box for some dice. “Your characters’ species can’t speak English.”

“They what?!” Groot gave Rocket a murderous look.

Rocket looked sheepish. “The only things you can say in English are…”

“... What.”

“... I. Am. Groot.”

Groot leaned back on the couch. “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

“It was a cool character quirk!” Rocket held up his hands.

“It’s bullshit! How am I supposed to communicate?”

“I’ll translate for you!”

“Oh, oh, I see what you’re doing,” Groot crossed his arms and scowled.

“What am I doing?” Rocket said, instantly on the defensive.

“You’re not letting me play my own damned character!” Groot said, giving Rocket a shove. “Making it so the only way I can talk is through you? That is SO controlling!”

“Guys, shut UP,” Lee snapped as the upstairs floorboards creaked. “She’s coming!”

“Yeah, shut up guys,” Peter said. “Phone.” He answered the buzz of his cellphone, looking confused. “Hey-o. Yeah, hey bro, what’s up?.... Yeah… yeah… wait, why are you asking? … yeah, it’s a right at the Burger King and next to the house with the flamingos, why are you… oh, come ON… yeah… yeah, okay, I’ll tell Lee, okay, yeah… see you in a few.” Peter put down his phone and gave Lee an apologetic look. “I am so. So. Sorry.”

Lee’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you sorry?”

Peter put his phone away and wiped his face with his hand. “I accidentally did a Thing.”

“A Thing?” Lee looked suspicious, and then comprehension dawned on his face. “Oh, HELL no.”

“I’m sorry! He must have overheard when I was talking to her about the game on campus!”

“Did you tell him it was a closed game?”

“I didn’t think he meant it when he said he’d love to stop by!”

“You IDIOT, of COURSE he means it, he’s that kind of socially incompetent asshole!”

There was a polite cough from the stairs, and the boys all turned to see the tall girl holding a glass of water, a quizzical expression on her face. “Is… everything okay?” she asked.

Lee turned scarlet. “Yeah!” he said, his voice unnaturally high-pitched. “Everything’s fine! It just… looks like we have an extra player! Uh, guys, this is….” He held out a hand to the girl, who smiled.

“Gamora,” she said. “That’s my character’s name, anyway. I love how you’re having us all stay in character, Lee, it’s very in-depth.”

“Thanks,” Lee looked everywhere but at his roommates. “These are the guys.”

“Peter Quill,” Peter offered, moving over so Gamora could take the remaining chair.

“I’m Rocket,” Rocket added, still steamed up after his argument with Groot. “This is my boyfriend.”

“I am Groot,” Groot said, smirking, as if to say ‘see? I can do this just fine’.

“And it looks like we... accidentally invited someone else,” Peter muttered, as the front door slammed and a loud male voice yelled down.

“HEY GUYS! YOU READY TO PLAY?”

Gamora blinked. “Who is that?”

Peter winced. “Remember the other day when I asked you to come play Lee’s game?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, _that_ guy. Friend of yours?”

Peter and Lee both grimaced. “Sorta?”

The stairs creaked again and a heavy-set guy with glasses and a rucksack charged down the steps and into the room, a huge grin on his face.

“Hey!” he said. “Hope y’all didn’t start without me!”

Rocket pinched the bridge of his nose again. “Oh good grief.”

Lee sighed. “Nah, we haven’t started yet. Pull up a chair.”

The newcomer got a chair from the corner and noisily began uncrumpling character sheets and finding pencils.

“You remember the rule, right?” Peter asked cautiously.

“Oh, yeah, in character stuff, I got it! Got my character all made and everything!” he said, holding it out proudly to Lee, who took it and studied it with an apprehensive expression.

“... your name is… Drax.” he said.

“Drax the Destroyer!” the newcomer, Drax, said, grinning broadly.

Gamora’s eyebrows went up. “The Destroyer? Really?”

“Yeah!” Drax said enthusiastically. “We’re fighting aliens, so I’m gonna be a mother-fuckin’ DESTROYER!”

“This is gonna be…” Groot began, but caught Rocket’s expression and gave an exasperated sigh. “I am Groot.”

“Well, let’s get started,” Lee said, giving Drax back his character sheet, cleared his throat, and began to speak with a serious tone. “The year is 2014, and after over a thousand years of war-”

“Hold on!” Peter jumped up, startling the others. “I gotta put the tape on.”

“The what?” Gamora looked even more confused.

“The tape!” Peter said.“It’s part of my character’s Tragic Backstory!” Peter stepped around Lee to turn on an ancient tape deck, which whirred and creaked as it began to play music.

_Ooga chaka ooga ooga ooga chaka ooga ooga ooga-_

Lee stared at Peter as he sat back down at the table. “Really, dude? Really?”

“Don’t look at me like that!” Peter replied, pulling out his dice. “It’s a classic. Anyway, as you were, O Dungeon Master.”

Lee resisted the urge to bang his head on the table and cleared his throat again. _Why do I feel like I’m gonna regret this?_


	2. “Does anyone NOT have a Tragic Backstory?”

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Lee said, giving Peter a dirty look. “After over a thousand years of war, the Kree have finally signed a tentative peace treaty with the Nova Corps, but a fanatical Kree group led by… Rocket, WHY are you making a tower of dice?”

“Because you’re expositing,” Rocket shrugged, balancing another d6 on top of his already impressive tower. “You know I never give a shit about exposition.”

“Rocket,” Lee growled, glaring at his roommate. He twisted his face into a desperate grimace, glaring as if trying to communicate telepathically. _Please just play along._

Rocket rolled his eyes. “What? I’m in character! Rocket’s in it for the money, so when we start talking about the money, Rocket’s gonna start giving a shit!”

“I ag… I am Groot,” Groot added, nodding to indicate that he agreed with Rocket’s assessment of the situation.

“If we’re expositing, can we exposit my tragic backstory?” Peter said, resting his elbows on the table. “I feel like it’s really important to share it with the group.”

“Don’t we all have backstories?” Gamora asked. “I mean, Lee asked us to come prepared, I have a backstory to tell too, why do you get to go first?”

“Sure, but mine’s especially tragic,” Peter said, tapping his character sheet with a pencil. “And I think it’s relevant to everyone in the party.”

“Here we go again,” Rocket slumped back on the couch. “You make a generic white human protagonist and we’re just supposed to follow him around because he’s the heroic leader with some whiny generic human protagonist issues? I’m bored, can I shoot something now?”

“Hey, I actually gave this character some thought, Rocket,” Peter said, glaring at his roommate across the table. “I’m trying to be in-depth and shit! Isn’t that what you guys always tell me to do?”

“Ugh, fine,” Rocket balanced another die on his little tower. “Just spare us the extra manpain, okay? Whatever your human problems are, I’m over them.”

“Rocket, dude!” Lee scowled.

“What? Still in character!” Rocket held up his hands as the tower of dice fell over. “Aw, balls.”

“Tell the story!” Drax chimed in. “Then I will tell the tragic backstory of Drax the Destroyer!”

“You’ll wait your turn,” Lee said. “Gamora will go after Peter, then Drax can go.”

“Thank you,” Gamora gave him a grateful smile.

“Anyway,” Peter leaned forward. “My story begins on a warm summer evening in 1988, on planet Earth.”

Both Rocket and Groot groaned, but a glare from Lee silenced them, and with a little smirk, Peter continued.

“I was abducted by aliens the night my mother died of cancer,” he continued. “My grandpa took me into her room to see her and she gave me a present to open after she died, but I was so distraught I just left the hospital and ran, ran across open fields behind the hospital, listening to this song on my walkman.” He pointed at the old tape deck, now playing “I’m Not In Love”. “As I was running across the field, I fell down, and then this bright light shone down and teleported me up into a spaceship. The guys who kidnapped me ended up raising me, so now I’m an intergalactic man of mystery who retrieves artifacts of great value for less-than-legal purposes. I’m tall, blonde, handsome, I wear leather and carry a pistol.” He held out a hand to Gamora, giving her the closest approximation of a suave grin that he could muster. “Peter Quill, but you can call me Star-Lord.”

The table remained silent. Gamora did not shake his hand. After what felt like an age, Lee broke the silence.

“Okay, so, Peter’s in artifact retrieval. What about you, Gamora?”

“Dude!” Peter looked affronted. “I didn’t tell you about the tape!”

“Is it the tape that you were listening to when your mom died?” Rocket asked.

“Well… yeah… but-”

“Then I already know about it and am no longer required to care. NEXT.” Rocket points at Gamora. “Your turn. Go.”

Gamora blinked a couple of times, then folder her hands and sat up a little straighter. “My name is Gamora,” she said. “Adopted daughter of Thanos.”

“Wait, Thanos?” Peter asked. “Like, Thanos the evil NPC guy who was pulling the strings during your last game, Lee?”

“Shut. Up.” Lee said, glaring at Peter. “Keep going, Gamora.”

“My adopted father killed my parents in front of me and then he raised me, engineered me and my sister to be perfect weapons,” Gamora continued. “I’m an expert assassin who specializes in hand-to-hand combat and deadly force. My father currently has me working with my sister, Nebula, to help a Kree extremist named Ronan. It is Ronan’s desire to destroy the planet Xandar, home of the NovaCorps, and help Thanos take over the entire galaxy.”

The table fell silent again, and Rocket gave Lee a look. “... Dude, did you just give her all of your plot notes?”

“She asked for them!”

“Uh-huh,” Rocket rolled his eyes. “I’m so sure.”

“I… am Groot.” Groot added, reluctantly staying in character.

“Proud of you,” Rocket whispered to him.

“I am Drax the Destroyer!” Drax suddenly shouted from his end of the table. “Ronan killed my family! Murdered my wife and child! I have been left with nothing but my rage and my thirst for vengeance!”

The others looked at him, startled at the outburst.

“What?” Drax asked. “I made a backstory!”

“Thirst for vengeance?” Peter asked. “Dude.”

“It’s a real thing!” Drax insisted. “I watched Game of Thrones! Vengeance is totally real motivation!”

“You sound like the goddamned Batman,” Rocket said.

Drax crossed his arms. “There’s nothing wrong with being like Batman.”

“Okay, be completely derivative and boring,” Rocket snapped. “Are you done?”

“Oh, like you have some brilliant backstory that’s original and perfect?” Drax shot back. “You’re a TALKING RACCOON!”

“You’re damn right I am! And a talking raccoon is way more interesting than some Batman wannabe with daddy issues!”

“Hey!” Gamora put her hands up. “Watch it with the daddy issues thing!”

“Seriously, man, be more sensitive,” Peter chimed in.

“Don’t even get me started on you, ‘Star-Lord’,” Rocket scowled. “Yeah, I am a talking raccoon, result of some horrific genetic experimentation or something. I”m traumatised and I’m angry and I’m here to kick some ass, how’s THAT for a tragic backstory?”

Lee held up his hands. “Okay, okay guys, we get it, you’ve all been through horrible things. Does anyone NOT have a tragic horrifying defining event in their backstory?”

Silence fell, and then Groot tentatively raised a hand.

“I am Groot?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Groot, you’re a sentient tree, the most tragic thing that ever happened to you was you fell in love with a rodent.”

Rocket looked like he was ready to jump over the table “Quill, I’m gonna kill your face so hard your own mother won’t recognize you.”

“My mother is dead!”

“Good! I’m glad!”

“You sonova-”

“I am GROOT.” Groot grabbed Rocket’s arm and made him sit down, leaning across his boyfriend to address the DM directly. “Lee, we’re done with backstories, mine is NOT tragic, can we move on?”

Rocket and Peter settled down, the first scowling at everyone. “It’s like being in character is a crime or something,” Rocket muttered.

“Your character is always angry?” Gamora asked, looking concerned.

“Have you ever seen a raccoon?” Rocket crossed his arms. “They’re little little fuzzy balls of rage and bile. Besides, it’s cathartic.”

“You’re sure your backstory’s not tragic?” Lee asked Groot.

Groot gave him a look. “I am Groot!” he insisted, everything in his tone saying ‘Dude, I’m a fucking tree. We’re good.’

“Okay,” Lee sighed. “That’s backstories, tragic and otherwise, out of the way. Let’s get on with how you’ve all managed to come together, shall we?”


	3. "So Much for Notoriety."

“The air is damp and it smells like it rained recently. You are on the planet Morag, and the sensors on your tools indicate that the orb you were sent to retrieve is on the other side of the main hall of the ruin. Peter, what do you do?”

Silence reigned over the table for a moment as Peter peered down at the map, then he looked up at Lee and said. “I put my headphones on.”

Lee blinked. “You what?”

“You heard me. I put my headphones on and start listening to some Rebone,” Peter leaned back and pointed at the tape deck. “He-ey, he-ey, what’s the matter with you-”

“Of all the character quirks you could have come up with, willful ignorance of your surroundings is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” Rocket snarked, folding his arms.

“Shut up Rocket, you aren’t here,” Peter said. “Is there any native wildlife in this ruin that can hurt me?”

Lee sighed and rolled a pair of percentile dice. “Nothing but some small purple rodents scuttling around.”

“Sweet,” Peter said. “I pick one up and use it as a fake microphone while I dance around the ruins.”

Another long silence. Lee stared at Peter a moment, then coughed. “Uh… okay… roll a grapple check to grab the rodent.”

A single 20-sided die fell from Peter’s hand, and he grinned. “29.”

Lee looked down at the single-digit number he had rolled in opposition and sighed again. “You… pick up the rodent and use it as a microphone while you dance around the ruin.”

Gamora rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re letting him do this.”

“Hey, I’m as much a slave to the rolls of dice as you guys are,” Lee said, rolling some more dice. “There’s a ravine up ahead, between you and the room holding the orb. Wanna jump it?”

Peter shrugged. “I move up to look at how deep the ravine is.”

“Deep enough that there are creatures with teeth down inside it.”

“Right,” Peter said, nodding. “I activate my rocket boots."

“Your WHAT?” both Rocket and Gamora said at once, staring at him.

“My rocket boots!” Peter said, grinning. “They’re on my list of gear!”

“You let him have ROCKET BOOTS?” Rocket pinched the bridge of his nose again. “WHY would you let him have ROCKET BOOTS?”

“The same reason you have enough skill points to escape dozens of prisons across the galaxy,” Lee replied. “All of you are fucking minmaxers.”

“I am Groot,” Groot grumbled, as if to protest this final comment.

“How many times a day can you throw a man across the room with your weird growing tree arms?” Rocket retorted.

Groot gave the table a cheesy grin. “I am Groot!”

“I grow tired of this opening encounter!” Drax yelled, banging a fist on the table and making the dice on the table jump. “When will we get to the part where I can start breaking spines?!”

“Take a breath, Drax,” Lee moved his dice back to his side of the table. “We’re getting there. Peter, roll a d20 to use your boots.”

Peter rolled the dice. “15.”

“Jeez,” Lee sighed. “Okay, fine, you successfully fly over the ravine. The door is on the other side. Gimme an open lock roll to get it open.”

“You betcha,” Peter said, dancing in his seat a little bit as he rolled. “BOOM, 28!”

Lee looked over at Peter’s dice. “What the hell, dude? What’s your modifier for that?!”

“10,” Peter shrugged. “I rolled well.”

Lee shook his head. “Okay, you open the door. You see the orb inside suspended in some kind of forcefield that hangs over a pedestal. How are you gonna get it out?”

“With my sweet multipurpose singularity generator!” Peter said, still dancing a bit. “Which I put down next to the pedestal.”

Gamora shook her head. “I’m sorry, your multipurpose WHAT?”

“It’s on the approved weapons list!”

She looked at Lee, incredulous. “What kind of game are you even running, Lee?”

“The kind where you can be an unstoppable assassin and the daughter of the big bad evil guy?” Rocket pointed a pencil at her.

“Adopted daughter!” she protested. “Besides, you’re a TALKING RACCOON!”

“Look, we’ve all established our characters are somehow implausible,” Peter said, holding up his hands. “That’s the whole point of playing a game where we’re big damn heroes in fucking SPACE. Can we please get on with the part where I get my sweet loot?”

“Fine,” Lee wiped his forehead. “Activate the generator. Remember, that expends a use of it for the day.”

“I know, I know,” Peter said, scribbling down a note on his character sheet. “Activated.”

“All right,” Lee said. “It takes a few seconds, but the orb responds to the pull of the generator. Before you know it, the orb’s sitting comfortably on the generator. Make a listen check.”

Peter gave him a look. “Dude, I have headphones on.”

“So it means you’re taking a penalty by assaulting your eardrums with music,” Lee replied. “Roll the damn check.”

“Fine.” Peter rolled. “I got a 4."

“Okay.” Lee said. “What are you doing?”

“... What about the listen check?”

“He’s not telling you about it because you obviously failed, dumbass,” Rocket said.

“Fine,” Peter held up his hands, relinquishing the point. “I’m gonna pick up the orb and look at it while I put away my generator.”

“Do you have appraise?” Lee asked.

“I’m an outlaw, why would I have appraise?”

“It’s an orb made of some kind of silver metal. Like you said, you’re an outlaw, not a jeweller.”

Peter sighed as Rocket, Groot, and Gamora chuckled. Drax sighed also, impatient again. “Okay, so I have the orb, now what?”

“Now the door behind you is opening and there are armed soldiers running in. They have weapons pointed at you. The alien at the front says ‘drop the orb!’ in a menacing voice.”

“Shit,” Peter held up his hands, a perfect imitation of his in-character response. “Okay, I drop it next to my foot. No problem! I don’t want trouble!”

“He asks you who you are and what you’re doing,” Lee continued.

“Uh, my name is Peter Quill, I’m just a scavenger, I’m not here looking for trouble,” Peter said. “Can I roll a diplomacy check or something?”

“You’re lying about just being a scavenger,” Lee said. “You’re a ravager, you work with other ravagers, you came here looking for the orb, which is obviously trouble. Give me a bluff.”

“Fine,” Peter scowled, rolling his d20. “I get a 10.”

“They’re not convinced,” Lee said. “They’re priming weapons, and the lieutenant notices that you’re wearing a ravager jacket.”

“It’s a ravager jacket?”

“Leather jackets are ravager jackets.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Peter rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay… Uh… Wait! I want to roll an intimidate check.”

“Intimidate?” Lee’s eyebrows went up. “On half a dozen armed enemies?”

“Lemme try it, I’ve got ranks in it!” Peter snapped.

“Okay, fine,” Lee crossed his arms. “Roll the damn check.”

“All right,” Peter picked up his d20. “I stare down the head honcho alien and say ‘you might know me by another name.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Star-Lord.”

He rolled the d20 and it bounced twice on the table, before it landed, face-up, displaying the number 1.

Lee smirked. “He looks at you, confused, and says, ‘Who?’”

“Come ON, man!” Peter slumped in his chair. “Star-Lord? The Legendary outlaw?”

Gamora snorted. “So much for notoriety.”


	4. Notorious Bounty Hunters

“So while Peter is extricating his head from his ass, what are WE doing?” Rocket asked. He had returned to building a little tower of dice on the table.

“You and Groot are on Xandar,” Lee said, making a note on one of the character sheets. “Looking for work.”

“We’re bounty hunters,” Rocket said, shrugging. “What work is there to look for?”

“Criminals to bring in, obviously,” Gamora scowled at him. “Or at least, whoever you can sell out for a high enough price.”

Rocket grinned. “Money, now we’re talking.”

“Units,” Lee added. “In this game, the currency system is in units.”

“Whatever,” Rocket waved a hand and began disassembling his dice tower. “In that case, I’m going to scan the crowd looking for bounties.”

“Hold it,” Gamora held up a hand and gave Lee a look. “What am I doing? Just sitting here?”

Lee looked flustered. “Uh… well… uh…”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Who were the aliens who just tried to kill me and take my new toy?”

“Well…” Lee blinked, shuffled his notes a few times, and then perked up. “They were… agents of Ronan! Coming to get the Orb!”

“Well, there’s your connection!” Peter said, folding his arms and looking smug. “I escaped, obviously, and those alien dudes reported back to Ronan, so he’s gonna send his baddest, bestest, ass-kickingest alien assassin after the legendary Outlaw, Star-Lord.”

“They didn’t know who you were,” Gamora muttered.

“They would still call me Star-Lord,” Peter scowled at her. “Anyway, I bet that’s what happens, right Lee?”

Lee glared at Peter. “This is my game, Peter, do you mind?”

Peter’s smug look became a smirk. “Is that what happens? Dungeon Master?”

Another silence fell. Lee looked like he was ready to grab Peter by the collar and slam him into the table, but after a moment he composed himself. “...Gamora, you are summoned to Ronan’s main chamber to hear the reports of the stolen orb.”  

“HAH!” Peter punched the air.

“Sit down, Quill,” Gamora snapped. “What does he have to say?”

“He wants to send someone to retrieve the orb,” Lee continued. “Ensure it gets to him in one piece.”

“Then I volunteer to do that,” Gamora replied. “And tell him that I’ll track down the thief and retrieve it myself.”   

“All right,” Lee checked his notes. “Your sister isn’t too happy about that: she wanted to retrieve the orb.”

Gamora sniffed. “What does Ronan say about it?”

“You have a sister?” Peter asked.

“Shut up Peter, you aren’t there, you’re on your ship going to Xandar,” Lee replied, not looking at Peter. He kept his focus on Gamora. “Ronan looks at you, and looks at Nebula, and he grumbles in the back of his throat. ‘Gamora will go retrieve the orb,’ he says. ‘It will further solidify our allegiance with Thanos.’ ”

“How does Nebula respond?” Gamora asked.

Lee rolled a couple of dice. “She’s pissed,” he said.

Gamora smirked. “Good.”

“Not a big fan of your sister?” Rocket asked.

“Adopted sister,” Gamora replied.

“The intel Ronan gives you indicates that this thief was last seen entering the atmosphere of the planet Xandar, and your best course of action is to seek him there.”

“I’m going to Xandar?” Peter looked confused.

“Were you not paying attention?” Rocket rolled his eyes. “Yes, you are going to Xandar, which is where Groot and I happen to be also. Which is where the action can get started, right?”

“I am Groot,” Groot shrugged, doodling on a piece of paper.

Lee sighed. “Okay, Gamora, you get on a transport heading towards Xandar, and you’ll be there shortly. Rocket and Groot, what are you doing?”

“Dude!” Peter threw his hands up, obviously indignant about being left out.

“Shut up, Peter, we’ll get to you,” Lee snapped, rolling more dice. “Groot and Rocket, what are you doing?”

Groot handed Lee a piece of paper, grinning. “I am Groot!”

Lee studied the piece of paper, let out a sigh, and turned it around so the others could see it. Groot had drawn a little cartoon on the page, depicting a tall tree creature drinking water from a decorative fountain in the middle of a crowded street.

“What the-” Rocket grabbed the piece of paper and looked at it, glowering at his boyfriend. “Groot, why are you drinking fountain water?!”

Groot shrugged. “I am Groot!” he said, smiling.

“I don’t care if trees are always thirsty, it’s idiotic!” Rocket growled. “Have a little self-respect! We’re notorious bounty hunters, not savages!”  

Groot folded his arms and pushed the paper back to Lee.

“You still drinking from the fountain, Groot?” Lee asked.

“I am Groot!” he grinned.

Rocket buried his head in his hands. “Oh, for the love of…”

 

 


End file.
